love life, guys

This past week, I have been extreme-to-the-ly selfish.
I can think of at least three times I've been selfish.
And you know what?
It only makes me feel like crap.
You know, I used to actually try to think of others.
I used to try to care.
But after I realized I cared too much for others, I just kind of gave up on everyone.
But you know what?
I've come to understand that being hurt by a boy is no excuse for me to act in this way.
I only feel like a worse human being.
And I don't want to be selfish anymore.
I want to care again.
I love my friends and family!
How could I, for one second, think that they don't deserve my love?

Spending so much time with the family this weekend has revealed to me a special kind of dynamic you can’t get anywhere else.
It reminds me of this one movie…I can’t remember which movie, but this scene in particular is such a realistic portrayal of family time.
Like, it shows laughing, then arguing, then laughing again, then no talking, then arguing, then boredom.
I don’t know how to explain it.
Basically, though, I’ve noticed that no matter what, no matter how sick or annoyed you can get of family, they’re always going to be there.
They’re always going to love you for you.
And that is something so hard to find these days.

Now, I feel like everything is worth it.
Even the trials.
Even the obstacles.

Every experience I’ve had the privilege of living through has made me who I am today.
And I can’t help but be a little proud of how far I’ve come.
And how far I plan on going.

I'm obviously still hurt.
I can't help it.
One second, I'll be little miss sunshine, then the next, I'll be the little demon.
I'm making progress though.
My excuse for acting this way is ridiculous.
I'm still young, obstacles like these shouldn't hit me this hard.
Give me some time.
I'm getting by okay, and I'm thankful for that.



<3
Happy December to you.